Benin/Edo Traditional Marriage and List [Updated]

Edo/Benin Traditional Wedding – All Stages

First Visit

The groom visits the bride’s family to make his intentions known. He may go alone or choose to go on this visit with one or two of his friends, and also take a gift along (though not compulsory, but advisable).

During this visit, the girl’s father engages him in conversation to assess his personality and capability of being a husband to his daughter.

The success of this first meeting leads to the fixing of a date for the Introduction ceremony, which is the next stage.

During the period between the first visit and the introduction, the girl’s family does some investigation on the groom and his family. Common issues investigated are the health and mental history of the family and also the family tree, to ensure both families are not related.

It is also likely that the groom’s family will carry out their own investigations.

The Introduction Ceremony

On the day of the Introduction, the groom comes with members of his nuclear family and also some extended family members to the home of the bride’s family.

The seating arrangement is such that the bride’s and groom’s families seat opposite each other, facing themselves.

The bride’s family then welcome their guests by serving kola nuts and drinks.

The groom’s family then present their own kola nuts, drinks and gifts in response, as they prepare to state their mission.

The bride’s family, through their spokesman, then request they state their mission so they can know the purpose of the gifts and if they should be received.

The spokesman from the groom’s family then makes their intention clear; to pick their daughter as wife.

Both families then go ahead to introduce themselves through their spokesmen. The main purpose of this is to make sure they are not related by blood, and that there are no negative manifestations or curses in the family.

When both parties have cleared the is issues, the bride is then called out to identify her suitor after which her family’s spokesman asks if she accepts the proposal.

Once she accepts, then her family can receive the gifts that were brought.

Bother families can then go on to prepare for the next stage which is the traditional wedding proper.

As part of the preparations, the groom is then given a list comprising items that should be brought and the bride price (dowry, which is N25).

According to Bini custom though, if a bride is discovered to be pregnant all marriage proceedings are suspended till she has the child.

The Traditional Wedding Ceremony

Before the celebrations begin, there several traditional rites that must be fulfilled. These negotiations usually take place between selected family members from both sides in the bride’s father’s living room or Ogua (a selected location for the negotiations).

During these negotiations, invited wedding guests wait outside the Ogua. Usually, the bride’s father’s compound would have already been set up for the celebration.

Inside, the groom’s family, through their spokesman, state their intention, with the usual rhetorics…”we saw a beautiful flower in your garden we would like to pluck…”

After conversations, the bride’s family then accept the kola nuts, through their spokesman, who then picks one, breaks it and prays. The other kola nuts are then broken and shared among all present.

The same is also done with the gin or hot drink brought.

The bride is then called out again for her consent. The moment she says yes, she can then go in to put on her traditional wedding attire.

Ibiegua

This is the process of settling the youths. Some members of the groom’s family are led into a room where the younger siblings and relatives of the bride have gathered. They are paid some amount of money “to protect the bride” till she’s eventually given out.

Iyomo

The Iyomo takes place in the brides mother’s room. Here the women from the groom’s family present gifts, usually monetary, to the women in the bride’s family. This is a form of “settlement” to make sure things go well.

Once the youth and women are satisfied, they come out to the living room to tell the family to proceed with the marriage.

Cutting the Wood (Breaking Barriers)

Some barriers need to be broken for the bride to be brought out, so the spokesman tells the groom’s family that there are lots of beautiful flowers in their garden and that he hopes they can recognize the flower they came for.

Of course they say yes.

The bride’s family then starts bringing out veiled maidens that they expect the groom’s family to identify.

The groom’s family keep rejecting them till they see their bride.

Usually a family can bring out up to 3 “fake brides”; for each fake bride a barrier needs to be cleared.

The groom’s family will have to give the women “money for fuel to cut the wood out of the way at every step”…so the bride can arrive.

Amid songs and dance by spinsters, the bride is ushered in, while the groom’s family clears the barriers.

The bride always arrives with style (which of course makes it easy for her to be identified).

Then the groom stands up to unveil her.

The Betrothal/Consummation

The groom’s name is then called out by a member of the bride’s family. This happens about six times but he is not expected to respond. He only responds the seventh time, because this time it is the bride’s father who calls him.

He admonishes the groom to take care of his daughter as he gives her out.

He then asks his daughter for the last time if this is the man she wants to marry. She responds with a “yes” as her father reminds her that she no more has a room in the house to return to.

The bride’s father then leads her to the groom’s father and puts her to sit on the groom’s father’s laps seven times. The groom’s father then rises and places the bride on the laps of his son, who was seated next to him.

Their union is sealed by this action.

Prayers

The couple feed each other first with a bit of sugar and honey. Then they both take a bite from bitter kola.

This is symbolic of teaching the couple their first lesson about marriage; it is both sweet and bitter.

The couple is then prayed for.

The father of the bride then takes only N25 out of the money that was presented with the other list items. He refunds the remaining amount of money, instructing the groom to take care of his daughter with it.

The groom then presents a bottle of drink to his parents-in-law as sign of gratitude for giving him their daughter.

The couple then dance out with members of their family to meet the waiting guests outside.

Benin Traditional Marriage List:

• 20/21 tubers of yams
• Two hind legs of an antelope
• A keg of palmwine
• A keg of palm oil
• Six yards of material (3) – one for the father, one for the mother, and the oldest male in the family (Okaegbe)
• A packet of sugar
• A bottle of pure honey
• A bag of salt
• A bag of rice (optional)
• Kola nuts
• Assorted drinks
• Settlement of Ibièguae (kinsmen) N2,000, a crate of beer, a bottle of wine/gin, two or four seeds of Kola nuts
• Settlement of bride’s mother – N3,000 (It could be lower or higher) and a crate of drinks (malt).
• Bride price.

Esan (Isan) Traditional Marriage List:

• 1 Bible
• 1 Umbrella
• 1 box of wrappers
• 2 Schnaps/Hot drinks
• 1 crate of Malt (Bride’s mother)
• 1 plate of kolanuts
• 1 bag of salt
• 1 Keg of palm oil (25litres)
• 1 keg of palmwine
• 1 carton of wine
• 3 crates of malt (for the women)
• 6 cartons of beer (for the men)
• 28 tubers of yam
• 14 tubers of yam (for the oldest man)
• N1,500 for dowry
• N5,000 (bride’s mother)
• N3,000 (bride’s father)
• N9,000 (men in the family)
• N6,000 (women in the family)

Since every family has different preferences, these lists should only be used as a general guide.

UPDATE

The Benin Traditional Council’s ban on Friday, January 24, 2025:

1. The Ban:

– The council has banned non-royal members from wearing specific chieftaincy traditional costumes
– These include:
  – Round coral bead (lkele)
  – Eben (ceremonial sword)
  – Okuku (head-gear for Oba’s wives/Queens)

2. Reason for the Ban:

– The council describes wearing these items by non-members as:
  – An abuse of Benin customs
  – An aberration
  – An abomination of tradition
– They noted “uninformed and disgruntled elements” have been using these items during marriage and burial ceremonies

3. Proper Attire:

– The correct traditional dress for Benin people during ceremonies should be:
  – Ewu Iwu dress
  – Long coral beads called Udeguoghọ

4. Authority:

– This directive comes from His Royal Majesty, Omo N’Oba N’Edo, Uku Akpolokpolo, Ewuare II, Oba of Benin
– The statement was signed by seven palace chiefs.