Every family, no matter what part of the world they come from, always looks forward to the day their children get married. In Nigeria, and Africa as a whole, it’s always a big deal, not just for the immediate family, but also for the extended family, especially the traditional wedding.
In this piece, I will like us to go on a journey to the Eastern part of Nigeria, where the Igbo’s are dominant, in fact, we call it Igboland. Let’s take a look at their wedding ceremony known as Igbankwu, and the steps that lead to this joyful celebration.
Stage 1: The Introduction – Proposal/ Knock Door
This is the very first visit of the man; groom-to-be to his prospective in-laws. It is the joy and desire of every lady to get to this stage. And for the parents; to know who their daughter has been hanging out with. At this stage, the man is escorted by some members of his family, were he formally introduces himself and his family members to the bride-to-be’s family; he officially makes known his intent to marry their daughter, and then ‘asks’ for the bride’s parents’ consent.
Those on the train are normally his father and elderly relatives, with one or two close friends. In most cases an elderly Uncle would be the spokesman at this visit.
Things to carry along on this visit; not mandatory, but important, are things that you and your family agree on. It could be some hot drinks, kolanuts, a small gallon of palm wine, alcoholic drinks or non-alcoholic wine, depending on your religious inclination and are all based on discretion.
After the familiarization and proposal, if the bride is present i.e, lives in the country, she would be called in from hiding, informed about the purpose of their visit, and asked if she knows the man. If she says she knows him, she would then be asked for her consent to collect the gifts they brought, if her answer is “yes”, the gifts of kolanuts and drinks are accepted and immediately shared, indicating they have been accepted, and further visits would be scheduled. If not, the meeting would come to an end and the gifts declined. But if you receive a ‘yes’, you proceed to the next stage.
If the ‘knock door’ is positive, the groom with his family will receive a list of the other steps involved and the traditional marriage requirements of the bride’s village.
N.B: After a successful outing, the bride’s family would send a representative to do a background check on the groom and his family to know where he is from, (this in most cases isn’t usually a secret, depending on what they want to know) what he does for a living, about his family history (such as diseases, sicknesses, negative characters, fertility, history of divorce, level of responsibility of the men in that family and commitment to their wife and children…the list goes on.
It is assumed that the groom’s family should also be carrying out a similar investigation on the bride and her family, prior to the introductory visit.
Stage 2: Visit To Bride’s Extended Family
The purpose of this visit, by the groom and his family, is to inform the bride’s father’s family (or his people) of their interest in marrying their daughter. (In Africa or Nigeria particularly, you don’t just marry a person, you marry the family). This stage is also a very important aspect of the entire process, because these important and respected family members must give their consent before the dates for the traditional marriage rites and ceremony can be fixed.
On this visit, the groom is expected to be accompanied by more people than the first visit. And just like the ‘knock door,’ they don’t go empty handed, they take gifts along, and these gifts could be anything or quantity depending on how deep their pocket is, but should include: kola nuts, palm wine, beer, soft drinks, heads of tobacco, snuff and a goat.
Click to read the concluding part- Bride price ‘Ime ego’ and Igbankwu
